Opening Up

When I started this blog it was something I wanted to keep private. A secret place for me to document my journey, the ups, the downs, the rollercoaster of TTC. I was so niave. I thought it would be in small part a TTC journey and then mostly a pregnancy diary because that is what I thought would be the hardest. I will tell my story of my first difficult pregnancy one day soon. It changed my life in so many ways, for the better because I have Luka to show for it, the light of my life. But for the worse in many ways because I am not sure I’ll ever recover from the fears and what-if’s. TTC was the least of my worries. Then one month turned into two and two turned into three, and so one. Then I started reading other women’s blogs and realized there are so many of us out there with similar stories, different but the same, stories of yearning and loss, stories of aching and envy.

I have recently decided to open up my blog to the world and allow some of that support in, while reaching out to others at the same time if I can. There isn’t much you can say to someone who has experienced a loss, or is losing hope month by month, just I’m sorry and I’m thinking of you. And maybe just that alone is enough to make someone feel a little less alone in this world. The shoulders of bloggers all over the world there for you when those IRL maybe aren’t privy to your private battles. I don’t speak about this much to my friends or my family, even my husband finds it difficult to listen to me talk about all of this. He just wants me to relax and let it happen. Ummm.. I. Wish. It. Was. That. Easy.