Archive for August, 2007

Grateful

Something has changed inside of me over the past few months. I look at my life and see a wonderful husband who takes me for I am, allows me to be me, and accepts my shortcomings on a regular basis. A man who loves me unconditionally as I love him. A man who makes me laugh and shares my dreams. I live in a nice house with nice things, never worrying about money, having enough that we can give to others and that makes me feel good. I have a wonderful group of friends who love me and teach me about life; I have parents who are healthy and happy, a brother who is on his way to becoming a doctor and I couldn’t be more proud of. I have my health. I have a job that I enjoy (most days) and a partner at work who makes it all worthwhile. I live in a place that is beautiful, surrounded by mountains and the sea. And most of all, truly madly deeply – I have a Son. A wonderful, funny, handsome, charismatic, smart, gentle boy who I can call my own. A boy to come home to every day, who runs to the door to wrap his arms around me when I come home. He jumps on me until I almost fall over, “Mama!” he says. A boy who I kiss goodnight and cuddle in my arms every single day. A boy who I play with, and laugh with, and love with every ounce of my soul.

Sure, I still yearn for another child. I still ache for another baby in my arms. But looking at what I do have already, who could ask for more?

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August 23, 2007 at 8:11 pm 5 comments

Moving On

I went to see my RE yesterday for advice on my now-80-day-and-still-going-strong cycle… so first thing he says to me is, “So I hear your cycle is pretty messed up huh?” Um, yeah, thanks for that Doctor. He proceeds to tell me that he doesn’t see a connection with the FSH injectibles from last cycle and this debacle of a cycle. Are you serious? In 15 years of menstrating, regular 35 day cycles and now an 80 day one and it’s just a coincidence? Mmkay. (note the sarcasm). And then he tells me that I really just need to lose some weight and that would solve all my problems. OK. He’s right, I do need to lose weight, health wise, yes. But point 1. I was this same weight when I conceived Sweetlove. Point 2. My cycles have remained 35-ish days from the beginning of time, when I was thin and when I was heavy, always the same. Point 3. I ovulate regularly. Point 4. Why is he just mentioning this now? Never once did he mention my weight being a factor in all the times we’ve talked. I’ll tell you why I think so. Because he can’t explain why my cycle is so screwed up and he wants to blame it on me! So, basically, I walked out of there saying I would try to lose 35 more pounds (I have lost about 20 in the last few months already) and I would be back in touch down the line. But truly, I don’t think I will. Go back to him I mean. I am going to continue to lose weight and find another RE who doesn’t contradict himself and the rest of the medical community at least twice every time I see him. I am not that upset about it all actually, I feel like a giant weight has been lifted (metaphorically speaking of course!) and I am happy to try other methods for a while. This 80+ day cycle is most likely not going to repeat itself, and I do have one month worth of clomid tablets sitting in my medicine cabinet that I plan to take next cycle on my own anyways. And once I’m close to my goal of another 35 pounds down, I will find another RE to consult. Even though there isn’t a clinic as convenient as this one in terms of proximity, we’ll just have to deal. There’s no use in seeing a doctor who isn’t helping me anyways and who I don’t believe in. Whether I’m right or wrong, his approach kind of sucks.

So yeah. That’s where I’m at today. My bb’s and my lower back are hurting these last few days and I’m awful hungry so I think AF might be around the corner. Please Lord, let AF be around the corner!

August 16, 2007 at 7:50 pm 3 comments

we’re back!

A’s brother’s wedding was great, Sweetlove did a great job as the Ring Bearer, and we were very proud of him (as usual). I was more than a little worried that he would not go down that isle, but he did – holding hands with the little 3 1/2 year old flower girl, the two of them stole the show I’m afraid! OK, maybe I’m a tad biased…

Our week at the lake was fanastic, lots of sun and relaxation. Sweetlove had the best time, it is a treat to watch him grow up each year and each summer have new fun things to do up there. My baby is growing up 😦

A few pics to share with you all…

sweetlove
Sweetlove outside the church in his little tux…

sweetlove_and_A
Sweetlove with his Papa inside the church before the ceremony…

walk
Getting ready to walk down the isle…

pillow
Holding that pillow and rings tight…

wedding
Sweetlove and his little flower girl partner…

wedding2
The two of them at the garden during the wedding party pictures, looking at the ducks in the pond

lake
At the lake…a perfect weather day

king
King of the Castle, he says

sand
Happy as a sand flea!

cannon
A. doing a cannonball into the warm lake!

hug
A sweet picture of Sweetlove hugging his Papa

In other cycle news, I still have not gotten my period. Day 72 today. Ugh. I see the doc in one week. I am so ready for this to end and get on with things!

August 8, 2007 at 9:06 pm 2 comments


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