Archive for September, 2007

prayers…

One of my best friends (IRL) who was recently successful getting pregnant with twins after her 2nd IVF is in the hospital tonight at 25w3d with preterm labour. I was at the hospital with her today, she’s trying to be brave but she’s scared to death. The doctors want to see her get to 28 weeks at the least, those two babes need every day they can get. She is on strict bedrest and will be there until she gives birth, hopefully later than sooner. So if you could please pray for her and those two little ones, she can’t seem to catch a break and she needs all the prayers she can get. It brought back many memories of my own hospital stay with my pregnancy with Sweetlove and I know these next weeks, hopefully months, will be difficult for her – I hope to be as much support as she’ll allow me to give her, it’s not easy in there. Especially at such a perilous stage of her pregnancy, I can not imagine what she is feeling right now.

We came home yesterday from Calgary, a day earlier than expected. We changed our flights to come home last night – the wedding festivities were over and we were anxious to get home. I’m glad we did now that I know my friend needed me here.

It was a difficult few days to say the least. I got a positive OPK the morning we left and I spent all day Thursday and Friday with horrendous cramping and pain in my ovaries, omg, I had forgotten the clomid hell during ovulation. Walking through the airports, waiting for the shuttles, standing around, sitting in cramped airplanes, not exactly the way I would have preferred things. Nonetheless, we had to do what we had to do and there we were. We arrived late to the hotel and headed up to our room to do the “deed”, with an hour to get ‘er done while Sweetlove was with my parents. My cousins were all drunk and spent that hour banging on our door and hollering through the walls, it was awful. It was the worst way to be under pressure but we managed! The wedding was Friday afternoon at the hotel and the reception followed. My cousin was beautiful and it was an emotional night. I saw a lot of family that I hadn’t seen in years, decades even, and it was nice to see everyone for sure. A tough part of the night was the dedication to my uncle who couldn’t make it because he is in advanced stages of fron.tal lo.be dime.nsia and his absence was sorely missed. I can’t really explain why it hit everyone so hard that night, but even my dad (my uncle’s brother) had to compose himself a few times. I’ve never seen my father cry. Or my other uncles. Being on “clomood myself”, I was in tears basically the whole night. A disease like this to affect a young man like my uncle and our whole family, so tragic. It is a lot to deal with. Our family is very close and it is the first real terminal illness we’ve had to endure, and I can only imagine how much harder it will get as time goes on.

Anyways, it looks as if ovulation did occur, I’m waiting for one more high temp to confirm it but I am fairly positive we’re in the clear. We managed to BD on all the right days despite the crappy timing. I am hoping beyond hope that this cycle ~ my first cycle ever to ovulate on day 14 ~ is the lucky one. I know, I know, how silly right? Ah well, it’s gotta be our turn soon!

Gotta run, the Emmy’s await!

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September 17, 2007 at 3:53 am 4 comments

CD 13

Day 13 with a + OPK. My fertility monitor also says today is my “Peak” day. My calendar is also telling me we are flying to Calgary today for my cousin’s wedding. All three of those things (especially the going away and being in a hotel room with our 3 year old so it’s super inconvenient to BD) makes it very probable that I will ovulate in the next few days. We’ll make it work though, my parents will also be there so I’m sure they won’t mind housing their precious grandchild for a few nights, in fact – I’m sure they would have asked to anyways! His first airplane ride, very exciting! I can hardly wait to see his face as he sees the clouds below us.

I’m relieved my body is doing it’s thing properly again. I can’t tell you how scary it was to think I might have 96 day cycles for the rest of my reproductive life. That I screwed up my system forever with the use of those drugs. Improbable, I know. But the irrational fears of a stirrup queen.

Anyways, just a short post to document my pee stick. Be back on Sunday.

September 13, 2007 at 6:19 pm 1 comment

Reality Bites

leftout

I purchased a new laptop a few weeks ago and I was transferring all my files to my new computer. Including my internet favorites folder of course. I have a folder called “Blogs” and then within that I have subfolders, “TTC”, “Pregnant”, and “With Baby”. When I first started blogging and adding to my list of blogs I like to read – there were mostly “TTC” and a few “Pregnant” ones. I haven’t updated those folders in a while so I thought I’d better do that last night while I was organizing things.

It hit me hard.

There is no one left in my “TTC” folder except for me. The rest have all moved on to “Pregnant”. Infertiles. All ten of them. Many happy stories, many wonderful women who have struggled for a long time and have finally found their dreams come true. However I feel just like when I was a kid, the chubby, clumsy girl who got picked last for dodgeball in gym class. Agh, I’m feeling sorry for myself today. I know there is a reason this is happening to us, and I know at the end of my life I’ll look back and it will all make sense, but FUCK it hurts.

And then this morning I get a phone call. 6:45AM. My very best friend took a test and it was positive. 12dpo with a nice dark 2nd line. They tried *one time*, as in literally *once*. I can’t be happier for her, truly. She’s the closest thing to a sister I have and I know what a great mom she’ll be. And finally we’ll share the motherhood bond that I so desperately longed for with her. But MAN that stings. I just want to scream from the rooftops WHY GOD WHY????

September 7, 2007 at 6:35 pm 3 comments

Never been so happy to see you!

Aunt Flo, finally, you came! I invited you months ago, no phone call, no letter. You couldn’t even keep in touch? Well anyway, all is forgiven. You are here now. Now please stay, four days would be perfect. And next time? Please don’t be such a stranger. UNLESS I’M PREGNANT OF COURSE!!!!

September 1, 2007 at 3:45 pm 2 comments


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