learning to dance in the rain

June 14, 2008 at 10:12 am 4 comments

My warrior mom.  She’s so strong.  I have had a headache for three days from crying several times a day.  I am feeling such grief, such fear, it’s the first time in my life I have ever felt this afraid of the future.  She finally got a date with the canc.er clin.ic next Friday so things are starting to happen.  We live in Vancou.ver so we are really fortunate to be close to a world reknown canc.er agency with top research and the best doctors.  And my brother is finishing his last year of medical school so he’s got a lot of connections in the field already and he’s going to help us navigate this very scary journey.  My dad, uncles, my husband, my male cousins all went on a “guys weekend” to the cabin this weekend — leaving me and Sweetlove to fend for ourselves and my mom as well.  It’s much needed r&r time for my father and for my husband, both of whom are being leaned on pretty heavily right now for support.  I spent the afternoon with my mom and Sweetlove, and tomorrow I’m bringing her with me to Sweetlove’s soccer pratice then we’ll go to a movie and out for dinner, keep busy as much as we can. 

I had an OB appt this week.  It was about an hour after I found out about my mom’s diagnosis so I wasn’t quite myself.  My blood pressure was elevated (really? no shit) but still not hypertensive so I wasn’t too worried.  I’ve got carp.al tun.nel in my wrists which is causing my fingers to swell a lot and my wrists hurt.  My tummy is getting huge and I’m feeling really rotund.  I am feeling kicks daily now and it’s wonderful.  My skin is getting worse by the day – my neck, back, shoulders, chest, and face are a road map of crazy acne. It’s really bothering me a lot but I don’t want to use anything other than soap and water on my face right now, just in case.  I guess I just have to wait it out and hope it goes away before the end of this pregnancy.  I’m so self-conscious of it.  Wednesday is our big level II ultras.ound so praying all is well in there and we can find out the gender of the baby too.  I’d love to be able to tell my mom she’s having her first granddaughter.  But either way, we’ll be overjoyed.  I just know I’m not doing this again so it would be nice to have a daughter.  At this point though we would be happy with a healthy baby of any gender.  I’m not sure I could take any more bad news.





Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

juggling the fear and the hope big day tomorrow…

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Alisha  |  June 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    I’m soo happy that you’ve managed to keep us all updated even with your carpal tunnel (hurts I know)…you trooper!

    Can’t wait to hear about the ultrasound!

    I’m keeping your mom in my prayers.



  • 2. s.e.  |  June 14, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    You are so strong. I sure hope you do not have to take anymore bad news. I am glad you are getting quality time with your mother. You seem so close.

    It’s great that you are feeling kicks daily. Your happiness in your “annoucement” post still sticks in my head. I hope you can get back to that soon.

  • 3. Chas  |  June 14, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    Stay strong! You’re doing wonderfully!!

    Good luck with your big ultrasound!!

  • 4. canape  |  June 14, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    I’m so excited for your big ultrasound coming up!

    From what I know about you, it seems to me that your mother must be an amazing woman to have raised such an amazing daughter. She is going to fight this thing.

    And my mom? I was wrong. Her diagnosis was Stage 3B ovarian cancer, and it was in 2002 – not 2004.

    Your mom has a battle to fight, but her life is far from over.

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