the worst phone call of my life

June 4, 2008 at 5:53 am 5 comments

You know, growing up, I’ve always been relatively sheltered from tragedy, illness, death, hardship… I had a pretty idealic childhood.  Things came easy for me.  I have two great parents, still in love to this day, they only nurtured me and gave me all the goodness that adds to who I am today.  Their biggest fault was loving me too much, overprotecting me.  My extended families are alike, middle class, average, hard working people with healthy lifestyles.  No drugs, no dysfunction, etc.  I had a textbook childhood.  Then I met my husband at 19, got married, bought a house, had a baby… infer.tility was the absolute hardest battle I’ve ever fought.  The closest I’ve come to personal illness.  My grandmother had skin cancer earlier this year and my Uncle has a rare form of dim.ensia and that is the closest I’ve come to family illness.  Anyways… the point I’m getting to is that all that bad stuff you hear about in the world never happened to me or anyone I knew.  So when my mom called me yesterday and told me they found a tu.mor in her and it was likely can.cer…. I honestly could not even comprehend it.  Today she had a and the doctor confirmed her worst fears.  I still have the words ringing in my ears.  Can.cer.  Chem.other.apy.  Surgery.  Recovery.  Hope.  My mom is the toughest person I know and at 54, she’s a healthy woman with a full life ahead of her and I know this type of can.cer is a “good one to get” but holy shit, I am reeling.  I tried to be strong on the phone with her but the tears just won’t stop as I sit here and try to think about what she’s going to go through. How niave I have been to think I could just float through life and narrowly miss the bullets of disease and tragedy.  At 29, I’ve got a lifetime ahead of me to understand all of this.  One thing I do understand is that my mother is my best friend and both me and my son’s hero, she nurtures everyone and takes care of us all.  She is the one who flies in when something goes wrong and takes care of business.  And now she’s facing her own battle.  And I have no doubt she will fight this like she does everything else in her life.  It just feels really evil that I have a baby growing in my uterus and she’s got can.cer in hers.  How is that fair?


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

and the JOY has come through the FOG juggling the fear and the hope

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Chas  |  June 4, 2008 at 8:51 am

    Fair? Totally unfair. I’m so sorry your mom is having to deal with this right now.

  • 2. canape  |  June 4, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    I wish I didn’t know how you feel, but I do.

    My mom has stage IV ovarian cancer. Diagnosed in 2004. She’s still fighting it today, and still winning.

    If your mom needs someone to talk to, I would be more than happy to put you in touch. My mom is a good listener and counselor.

    I’m so so sorry, J. This just isn’t fair at all. It shouldn’t ever have to happen, but the timing now in particular? Sucks.

    I’ll be praying for you and your mom.

  • 3. Kirsten Eide  |  June 6, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    I’m really sorry to hear that Jen, your Mom sounds like an amazing woman, and I pray she can keep focused on the hope.
    Much love.

  • 4. Jackie  |  June 9, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    Jen, I was so sorry to hear about your mom. I’m kind of going through something similar with an illness with my mom, just not cancer. My daughter is pregnant (so is my daughter-in-law) and so I have found that this helps my mom to get excited and have something amazing to look forward to. (2 new great-grandbabies for her!) She likes to hear how the girls are doing and what is happening with their pregnancies; and we are constantly talking about things she will do with the new little ones. So I know your mom will love hearing that from you, as well. New life brings new hope and that will be so so important for her to help her focus on getting better. I’ll be thinking about you and her as she moves forward toward tackling her illness. Keep us posted.

  • 5. Kirsten Eide  |  June 10, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    Jen, just wondering how your mom, and you are doing??

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