beginning to feel… dare i say it… attached?

May 23, 2008 at 10:34 am 2 comments

We didn’t go camping.  My dear husband didn’t think I could stand puking in a tent for more than two hours and feared I would make him pack up camp in the middle of the night – and he was probably right – knows me better than I know myself, I’m afraid.  So instead, we went to the lake – to our family cabin in the interior.  My whole family was there and the boys (Sweetlove and his little cousin) got to romp around on the beach and put sand up their noses, it was a nice weekend.  Grandma was in heaven with all her chickies there.  So I had a doctor appt on our way out of town on Friday, and A was able to come with me for the first time this pregnancy.  I was meditating in the car on the way there, trying to keep my blood pressure down and avoid getting anxious… when a car right in front of us in the other lane LOST IT’S WHEEL on the highway and bolts were hitting our windshield.  Ummm, yeah, so much for the calm, relaxed state.  Needless to say we survived and A swirved appropriately to avoid a collision.  When we got to the appt I was sure my BP would be high.  Well guess friggin what?  It WASN’T!  In fact, it was the lowest its been all pregnancy at my dr appts and I got a FOUR WEEK PASS !  That’s standard for most normal pregnant women but I’ve always been a 1 or 2 weeker max.  Doc thinks my BP is just fine and there’s nothing to worry about!  What?! Me!?! By this time last pregnancy I was off work for PIH and on BP meds.   So I don’t know what’s different, but I’m elated.  And for the first time, cautiously optimistic.  On a major high, we drove the five hours to the cabin and I managed to not puke once.  The gravol seemed to really help.  However I did throw up most of my meals at the lake, and the ride home I was not so lucky.  But it was so nice to get away for a few days and breathe in the mountain air.

Oh, and at the dr appt – my dr took out his doppler to find the heartbeat (it was the first time he’d tried) but was unsuccessful in finding it.  I didn’t mention to him that I have rented a doppler for home and we’d heard the heartbeat the night before.  Oops.  I hate holding it back from him, but he already thinks I’m neurotic and I really didn’t want to reinforce that.  So he offered me an ultrasound this week to check the heartbeat just to be sure.  How could I turn that down?  So I went to the hospital maternity ward tonight and met him there for a quick check.  The baby has grown a lot since the last time, in fact it looks like a real baby now!  I have to say, it made it a lot more real for me.  Seeing the little legs kicking and the hand waving.  And being back in the maternity ward where I had Sweetlove, the same nurses there, the same halls I stared out at for weeks.  It was like holy shit, I’m having a baby.  I’ve been feeling the baby move a lot now, mostly when I eat – it’s a nice feeling.  All of this together – feeling the baby move, my BP behaving and making me feel a little less freaked out, seeing the baby tonight, coming out of the “fatigue” fog and getting some energy back, being back in the hospital… it’s just hit me what’s happening and how lucky I am. 

We’re having a baby.  We are so blessed.  And damn it, I’m invested. 

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

mother’s day and the JOY has come through the FOG

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Alisha  |  May 24, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    What a nice entry!!! Minus the “almost accident.”
    Your comment about you being neurotic made me laugh…I was at my doc’s last week and I finally just said…”you know, I can’t change…I can’t wake up tomorrow and be unanxious and un-neurotic…I wish I could, but this is me” and he said, “Alisha, we wouldn’t want you to change…”
    On that note, neurotics and anxious people of the world unite! We make the world more interesting… =)

    Soo soo happy that things are going well for you Jen. Just keep up the good positive thoughts and coast on those positives till the baby is here.

    ((((BIG HUGS))))

  • 2. canape  |  May 26, 2008 at 5:30 am

    I did the same thing with the doppler . . . renting it and not telling 🙂

    I’m so glad you are feeling better and attached. That is awesome.

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