7 weeks — warning: complaints ahead

March 29, 2008 at 2:44 am 5 comments

I’m counting the minutes, the hours, the days until this ghastly period of morning sickness is over.  Calling it morning sickness is really an insult to those of us who have to explain to every person who looks at us why we look so “green”.  It should be called first trimester, all day, all night misery.  Even with the dic.lectin the constant nausea is debilitating.  Totally utterly paralyzing.  I am coming to work each day, sitting at my desk and staring blankly into my computer for hours on end. 

My incredible husband has taken over my task of getting Sweetlove up in the morning and taking him to Grandma’s and then picking him up at the end of the day, bringing him home, making us all dinner, bathing Sweetlove and putting him to bed.  Whilst I lay on the couch or in my bed in a daze of nauseous, exhausted mess.  During the evening while Sweetlove is up, he brings trucks to me and we play monster truck jam show together or I read to him for as long as I can muster the words.  Or we watch Scooby Doo together as he curls up in my shoulder and I close my eyes quietly. 

I’m feeling so guilty for my lack of productivity, both at home and at work.  I’m feeling so guilty for feeling so bitter about this too, like I haven’t been BEGGING for this for the last two years?  I want that baby at the end of the tunnel and I’m willing to go through this to get there, but I can’t possibly say I am loving it.  Or enjoying it.  I am barely making it.   I just don’t want there to be any question of how badly I want this and am willing to endure anything – I just wish I wasn’t being tested so heavily for it. 

Ugh.  Please, 4:00 can’t come too soon… neither can 13 weeks for that matter!

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thankful for dic.lectin 7w4d

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. s.e.  |  March 29, 2008 at 6:11 am

    I cannot speak from experience but all of my pregnant friends say that feeling awful is truly a good sign. That being said, I hope it all ends very soon for you. And don’t feel guilty about your non-productive behavior!

  • 2. Alisha  |  March 30, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    I felt guilty too! Part of being a mommy I think. It will pass sooner than you think…even though EVERY MINUTE FEELS LIKE AN ETERNITY!!!
    I feel for you girl. Thinkin of ya!

  • 3. Kirsten Eide  |  March 31, 2008 at 5:57 am

    Hey Jen, sorry to hear you’re feeling so terrible, hope the time flies by for you. We all know that you have your eye on the end prize so don’t feel guilty about complaining, noone likes feeling so sick and miserable!! God bless

  • 4. canape  |  April 1, 2008 at 1:31 am

    You, if anyone, have certainly earned the right to complain! It’s part of pregnancy! So bitch away, and enjoy it. The bitching, that is, not the nausea. I hope the nausea goes away soon, and I look forward to listening to you get to complain about swollen feet, having to pee all the time, and not being able to sleep. It will be glorious 🙂

  • 5. christina(apronstrings)  |  April 1, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    i was right where you are not so long ago. it is awful. and the guilt that is added on for us infertiles makes it even worse. my friend jan told me this “just because you are infertile doesn’t mean that you somehow don’t have the right to note that the first trimester ain’t all that.”
    i pray that you get to feeling better.

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