March 9, 2008 at 2:49 pm 5 comments

Now that 24 hours have passed since the realization of me actually being knocked up for realz has set in, a million things have run through my mind and I’m teetering on the edge of feeling like I just won the greatest lottery and feeling like oh shit, please God let this pregnancy turn out OK because my last pregnancy was the scariest thing I ever went through and while I’m prepared to do this again I’ve just been focused for so long on the getting pregnant part that I didn’t think much about the actual pregnancy itself. I’m high risk and I’ll be seen right off the bat by my OBGYN high risk specialist for lots of monitoring and if it gets more complicated, I’ll be moved over to a peri so I know I’ll be well taken care of. With Sweetlove, my BP became hypertensive at 16 weeks. I’ve been taking my BP weekly for the last four years and it has been a stable 110/65 which is nice and low but in the last few weeks strangely it has gone up and I didn’t know why – now I’m wondering if my body is already reacting to the pregnancy? With Sweetlove, I was put on BP meds at 16 weeks and they continued to increase until I was delivered at 36 weeks after 4 weeks in the hospital. If I could play out this one in the same way I would be ecstatic — but I’m scared. I’m scared and I’m grateful and blessed and freakin’ out all in the same breath. I did not sleep last night. I sat in bed, my mind just reeling with what is to come in the next months for me, for us. Plus I’ve got the anxiety to work with this time which I didn’t have last time. I am going to be staying on the SSRI as per doctors orders for this pregnancy but still, I wonder, how that will affect the baby even though I’ve been assured the risks are minimal. They weighed the risks versus benefits in my situation and all the doctors I saw for consultation on the matter believe I need to stay on this medication. It’s the lowest dosage and it’s a relatively well studied one. Before we started TTC I spent a whole year preparing myself mentally for this journey and in the last two years all that hard work was put on hold to deal with the unexpected hurdle of infertility. So now here I am feeling a bit unprepared again, it’s been a long time since I’ve considered all this information.

I saw my OBGYN just a few weeks ago to discuss the possibility of a laparascopy because I felt I might have endo. He told me he felt IVF was my best hope. I can hardly wait to see him next week again with this news.

A and I have been staring at each other in disbelief pretty much since yesterday morning. We alternate between crying and laughing, not sure how this even can be real. So very different from how we reacted when I was pregnant with Sweetlove. It’s incredible what two years of infertility will do to your psyche.

The last few days I been feeling a little “off”, before meals I have been sick to my stomach and kind of bloated crampy on and off. My bb’s are sore but my nipples are on fire, holy shit I forgot how that felt! Bring it on though, please God, bring it on.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

for two years i’ve been thinking of what i’d call this post… a journey of hope come full circle

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. christina(apronstrings)  |  March 9, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    that’s too much. i am very happy for you, ms. urbanlegend.

  • 2. canape  |  March 11, 2008 at 3:16 am

    Yay for boobs that hurt and food you can’t eat!

  • 3. Mel  |  March 12, 2008 at 6:22 pm


  • 4. Alisha  |  March 12, 2008 at 6:55 pm

    Yippie! Hope you’re lovin every minute of it!

  • 5. FiestyKel  |  March 12, 2008 at 11:23 pm

    Congratulations on your wonderful news 🙂

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