december blues

December 8, 2007 at 5:51 am 5 comments

Is there anyone still out there? I’ve been such a bad blogger lately. My life has been so crazy these days, work is busy and with the holidays coming its been hectic. I am proud to say I ovulated earliest ever on a natural cycle this month – day 20. I am hoping that means good things, cycle 17, a lucky one maybe? It’s funny that after all these months I still hold out hope… but really without a little hope what do you have left? Not much. Chasing the illusive dream.

I had a falling out with my best friend a few weeks ago and we are still trying to repair the damage, which has been the cause of many nights of lost sleep. My best friend and I do not have arguments, spats, tiffs, fights, none of the above. We both hate drama and we try really hard to avoid hurt feelings. This one has been brewing for a while now though and it was bound to happen. I won’t get into the specifics of it, I’ll just say that it was pretty heavy and rough and I’m glad its behind us. We’ve only spoken over email still. I like to say that we’ve both purchased our tickets on the recovery train but we’re still unsure of what train we’re taking. I’ve told her I love her still and she’s asked what sweetlove might like special for chistmas, so we’re on our way. But my heart still hurts over it. I guess only time heals some wounds.

My grandma has skin cancer. There I said it. She’s been alone since my Grandfather died five years ago. She had surgery last week to remove parts of her face and she was doing well in recovery until yesterday and now she’s got massive hemorraging and infection so she’s critical again. I desperately hope she’ll pull through this but we’re all pretty worried. My mom flew out to take care of her before the surgery and she’s still there with her, staying until she’s stable enough. My mom takes care of Sweetlove and my little nephew during the work week while my SIL and I work, so its been stressful covering off all the days she’s been gone and now uncertain of when she’s coming back. All we really care about right now though is that Grandma is going to be OK and its most important Mom is there with her through this. Being on the other side of the country makes it difficult.

So on the baby making front, not much to report. In the 2ww of another cycle, just barely, and that’s that. What else do you say after 17 cycles?

Tomorrow we put up the tree and decorate the house. Sweetlove is excited. We are too.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

a cycle’s eve updates on so many things.

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kirsten Eide  |  December 9, 2007 at 12:34 pm

    Hey Jen,

    Thanks so much for your encouraging comments, I was so grateful to find your site today. It amazes me how much people share on their blogs, myself included.

    I was so touched by your video, even more so knowing that when your little angel finally does join you 3 and you can share it with him/her.

    I know what you mean about not taking your little one for granted while going through this struggle for another. It’s amazing how much you can miss someone that you haven’t even met. I’m relying on that feeling, of wanting another child so much, as being my sign to continue and perserve with this. That is my biggest struggle actually, trying to find that balance of when to keep going with the treatments or take a break.

    Anyway, enough about me, I’m really praying your Grandma is okay, cancer is such a scary thing. My father has been given 3 months to live 3 times in his life now, and he’s amazingly he’s pulled through each of those times, after skin cancer, lymphoma and brain tumour. So my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    I see that you’re in Canada, which part? My husband grew up in Toronto, we love it in Canada, we were in Whistler for Christmas last year, wish we were going there again this year.

    Finally, please tell me if i’ve posted this in the wrong area of your site, sorry if I have, just knew to this blogging biz!

    Take care, and thanks again for your support.

  • 2. Mary Ellen  |  December 10, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    Jen, I am so hoping that O’ing earlier is a good sign dear. Hope you and sweetlove had a great time putting up the tree yesterday. Hugs.

  • 3. Alisha  |  December 12, 2007 at 12:17 am

    I’m sending **prayers** for you grandma, **hope** that you reconnect with your b.f., and **lots of luck** to conceive.

    Having said that…isn’t it the most wonderful time of the year???!!! Joy is contagious when one has a little one, with Christmas approaching, and of course that Santa is coming to town. ;o)

    Be well!


  • 4. Jean Daguerre  |  December 13, 2007 at 6:21 pm

    I just stumbled across your video and I had to leave a comment to tell you how touched I was by it. It really covers all the emotions we go through during this difficult journey. Thank you for putting that in words and pictures. I even forwarded it my mom and my sister. They always ask how I’m feeling, now they can see thanks to you.
    This is our 3rd year trying for baby #1(I recently miscarred after IVF #3) and as you say, we still have hope because we have nothing else.
    Thanks again and Good luck to you!


  • 5. Jean Daguerre  |  December 13, 2007 at 6:23 pm

    sorry……..miscarrIed. After all the tears I cried from the video, I can’t see the letters on my screen very well! LOl 🙂

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