a new direction

October 29, 2007 at 5:29 pm 2 comments

I am finding it hard to come here and have much at all to say about my attempts at making a baby. I am trying to think about it as little as possible as I am currently surrounded by pregnant friends and their pregnancy complications, it is too hard to consider that we are coming up on two years of this hell. And really, it was a year before that we were gathering up the courage with all the pregnancy complications that scared me sideways, so it seems like three years that this has been my life, and I am tired of it. Tired of being sad, tired of being beaten down by the IF monster. So I’m going to follow my dream now, my other dream. What is that dream you ask? Well let me explain.

Growing up, since as early as I can remember, all I wanted was to take care of babies, to be with them and nurture them. And as you might have noticed, my body is not all that capable of producing these babies itself, and the “baby” part of having a child doesn’t last all that long anyways does it? My four year old is really getting tired of being called my baby, I gotta tell ya. He’s all like, “I’m not your baby Mama. I’m a big boy now.” and I rebut with, “You’ll always be MY baby Sweetlove, no matter what.” And I guess that is true, your child is always your baby… but I digress. I am a lover of infants, all infants, no matter their cuteness or their biology. I just love them. I am also a nurturer at heart and well, sitting in front of a computer all day designing ads is fun and all, but it doesn’t feed my soul. So here I am, 29 years old about to turn a sharp left in my life’s path and I. am. going. back. to. school. For realz girls. I am going to be a Neonatal Nurse. The kind that works in NICU’s and nurses those little preemies back to health. Anyone who knows me, and I tell this to, just says to me, “Jen if there is any job in the world for you, that is it.” That is my passion, the fuel that feeds my heart. These tiny little creatures from God. So here I come, Bachelor of Nursing Degree. Yikes.

I am still in the beginning stages of gathering the requirements for my application. It is a four year program, and then another year of specialty nursing for the neonatal certification. But with my prior university credits, it should knock off some time with transfering the electives. So if all goes well, I should be able to start September 08. All my doc’s have to be in for application by Feb 1st. I will quit my job in August and become a full time student. There are a lot of things in life that you question, am I doing the right thing? Is this really what I want? Not with this. The only doubts I have are financial worries, which in the big picture, not something I will stay awake at night about. We’ll be fine. We’ll make it work. A is supportive, and that’s what really matters.

So how does all this fit in with another child? Well, I figure that even if another baby comes along, I still want to make this career change. I’ve been putting it off for a few years now so I could do it “after” the next child, but how long do you put your life on hold for? I can’t do it anymore. I have to just forge ahead with what I’ve got and if life brings me another chid, we’ll figure it out. We’ll keep trying and just do what needs to be done. Either way, my life is progressing and to me, that’s what is going to help me sleep at night.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

back to regular scheduled programming My Secondary Infertility IIFF Submission

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mary Ellen  |  October 29, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    You will be wonderful. Good for you Jen.

  • 2. Alisha  |  October 31, 2007 at 8:05 pm

    OMG Jen…I am just soo happy and amazed that you are going to go after your dream of becoming a nurse. You’re never too old to pursue your dreams girl. The nice thing too is that you will be able to really relate to what those mommies are going through since you’ve been there too. I just think you’re making the best decision and you won’t regret it at all.

    I’m smiling inside and out for you!


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