back to regular scheduled programming

October 12, 2007 at 5:35 pm 3 comments

I have changed my blog address because I *think* my mother may have accessed my blog – and there is nothing in here that would upset her – I just want to have this place be my own, the place I can come to be real honest about what I’m feeling without family or friends judging me, you know? So here I am. Bookmark me will ya?

I am regressing a bit back to the dark place again.  I am trying to keep afloat but its hard.  Everywhere I turn, pregnant friends and newborn babies.  It’s just hard.  It’s just really fucking hard.  My last clomid cycle was a bust (obviously) and the cramps that came with that period were record breaking.  I was travelling on business the morning they hit (perfect) and had to swallow as many ibupro.phen as allowable to keep upright during the meeting.  It was hellish.  Not to mention the despair that I felt with each ache and deep breath I took.   Just wishing to be anywhere and anyone else.  It’s weird I have no tears left, I’m all cried out yet I’m feeling the pain and numbness at the same time. 

I watched Oprah’s show on Infertility this week.  I was surprised at the lack of empathy Oprah showed with the subject matter.  She seemed to surprised and bewildered at the lengths these couples go to to become biological parents.   Like “why not just adopt?”  I was disappointed.  To spend 2/3 of the show on surrogacy in India which is interesting yet not the least bit representative of what the majority of infertiles journey through; I thought was a waste.  I know the big title “wombs for rent” has enough shock value to get viewers to watch but seriously, let’s talk about what the other 99% of infertile couples experience.  And her comment to Jennifer, the woman who had her surrogate in India, “do you ever feel that pang like I wish our baby was inside me instead of her?” or something to that effect.  Like really Oprah?  She’s been trying to concieve for 3 years, you wonder if she wishes she could be the one pregnant? Just goes to show, unless you’ve been through it, the lack of understanding is, to me, astounding.

An update on my friend who is in the hospital with preterm labour at now 29w ~ she’s doing great! They are probably going to release her to her inlaws house on bedrest if she continues to do well, at 30w.

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this before but I’m a huge Ro.sie O’Don.nell fan. Her new book “Celeb.rity De.tox” came out a few days ago and I read it cover to cover within about 3 hours. It was fantastic. If you are a fan of hers, a pop-culture junkie or a View watcher, definitely get her book. A riveting insight into the world of celebrydom and what its like to be famous as a mom and a wife from middle class normalcy.

Happy Friday everyone.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

prayers… a new direction

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Alisha  |  October 18, 2007 at 7:15 pm

    Hi Jen,

    So happy to have you back! 🙂

  • 2. Alisha  |  October 18, 2007 at 7:17 pm

    I caught the end part of the Oprah show and I couldn’t believe how much Alexis Stewart (Martha Stewart’s daughter) spent on TTC. Anyway, it was just heartbreaking to listen and watch…

    You were in my thoughts.

  • 3. maryellenandsteve  |  October 20, 2007 at 11:46 am

    Love the new digs Jen! Great to have you back!! Thanks for all of your support and kind wishes on my blog. Hugs sweetie.

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