Reality Bites

September 7, 2007 at 6:35 pm 3 comments

leftout

I purchased a new laptop a few weeks ago and I was transferring all my files to my new computer. Including my internet favorites folder of course. I have a folder called “Blogs” and then within that I have subfolders, “TTC”, “Pregnant”, and “With Baby”. When I first started blogging and adding to my list of blogs I like to read – there were mostly “TTC” and a few “Pregnant” ones. I haven’t updated those folders in a while so I thought I’d better do that last night while I was organizing things.

It hit me hard.

There is no one left in my “TTC” folder except for me. The rest have all moved on to “Pregnant”. Infertiles. All ten of them. Many happy stories, many wonderful women who have struggled for a long time and have finally found their dreams come true. However I feel just like when I was a kid, the chubby, clumsy girl who got picked last for dodgeball in gym class. Agh, I’m feeling sorry for myself today. I know there is a reason this is happening to us, and I know at the end of my life I’ll look back and it will all make sense, but FUCK it hurts.

And then this morning I get a phone call. 6:45AM. My very best friend took a test and it was positive. 12dpo with a nice dark 2nd line. They tried *one time*, as in literally *once*. I can’t be happier for her, truly. She’s the closest thing to a sister I have and I know what a great mom she’ll be. And finally we’ll share the motherhood bond that I so desperately longed for with her. But MAN that stings. I just want to scream from the rooftops WHY GOD WHY????

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Never been so happy to see you! CD 13

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Alisha  |  September 10, 2007 at 12:35 pm

    That totally bites! I feel for you girl…

  • 2. Mary Ellen  |  September 10, 2007 at 2:51 pm

    It totally bites. I hear you.

  • 3. nancy  |  September 11, 2007 at 12:42 pm

    Oh man. I’m so sorry. That made my heart hurt for you.

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