May 26, 2007 at 9:43 pm 1 comment

So we’re getting close to the end here… tomorrow morning my temp should drop if I’m not pregnant. I am not sure if I want to know quite yet. I have been taking more tests, its kind of bizarre. The one I took yesterday (1 day after my last post with the pic) was quite a bit darker but then today’s was lighter again. So I am not sure what to think. It’s almost 12 days since the trigger shot so really, there shouldn’t be any HCG left in my system from that. But I’m always the exception so that is probably the case here as well. I don’t feel particularly pregnant, I am assuming all the ‘symptoms’ I have are just progesterone side effects. Also, I’ve used up all my cheapie HPT tests so if I test again, I actually have to pay 12 bucks for a test so I probably won’t. I will watch my temps and see what happens.

I was just thinking back to the IUI procedure. I remember lying on that table, with one hand clutching the good-luck-baby-pin and the other hand clutching A’s. He was sitting there next to me, holding on tight. I looked up at the ceiling and tears just started falling from my face. I thought, what kind of baby making is this???? Not at all how its “supposed” to be. This is not how we are supposed to do this, it made me so sad. Here we are with a perfect stranger inserting A’s sperm in my body like a clinical procedure. OK, it was a clinical procedure. It just hit me at that moment what we were actually doing. And it made me very sad. And then after it was over, I looked at it in another way: how lucky we are to have modern medicine to help us conceive a child when not too long ago, women didn’t have these options. There are always so many ways to look at things. I think its important to recognize all perspectives. So while its kind of sad, its also kind of special. This child, whenever he or she is going to be conceived, will be very special. How many kids can say their parents went through years of infertility with tests, procedures, treatments, financial and emotional turmoil… all of this to create them. Now that is one very wanted child. This child will never feel like an accident, that’s for sure!


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Mary Ellen  |  May 27, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    It does suck that IF takes all the romance out of making a baby.

    I say a line is a line. You are pregnant until proven otherwise. Thinking of you my dear and hoping that this is it!!

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