December 10, 2006 at 5:19 am Leave a comment

I love Christmas time. And nothing takes my breath like listening to my two year old son sing Away In A Manger to himself as he falls asleep in his bed. Hearing him sing the words “Baby Jesus” melts my heart. Not to mention his excitement for Santa Claus. We feel like kids all over again. It’s a wonderful season. All of this holiday business is a nice distraction from the conceiving front, that’s for sure. Starting this new cycle, my second cycle on clomid – first pill tonight actually – feels like a fresh start in a way. I hate the end of a cycle when AF arrives, but then the new cycle begins and it feels good to start afresh with another batch of hope in my pocket. Just maybe this will be the month. And if not this month, then maybe the month after.

On Thursday, my period came while I was at work, so I sent a text message to my husband to confirm what I told him that morning – it was over. I was not pregnant.
He replied, “I’m sorry honey, I love you.”
I replied back, “No, I’m sorry. I wish I could give you this baby we want so much. What’s wrong with me?”
He replied, “Luckiest in world. We have Luka. Don’t be sorry.”

He is right. We have been blessed with the most incredible son. A perfect son who lights up our lives every moment of every day. Words can not express our love for this child. So many couples out there don’t have that one child yet, and here we are asking for ANOTHER miracle? Feels like a lot to ask for. But I so desperately want Luka to have a brother or sister. I want him to have a sibling, and I want to complete our family. I pray that is not too much to ask for. But… if it is, and we are not given that second miracle, I will know deep in my heart that we have been blessed with all we need and our lives will be fulfilled.


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Big Fat Negative Ouch

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