capturing his fleeting newborn-ness

 

 

 

 

sweet dreams

Spencer

Our son was born October 17, 2008 at 8:57 am, weighing 7lbs 8oz, 19.5″ long.

His name is Spencer

and he is truly a miracle.

Birth story to come when I have the time and headspace to get it written down, soon I hope.

We are so busy getting settled back home and living in three hour cycles.  Sweetlove is adorable with his baby brother and so far this experience has been everything I ever dreamed it woud be.

Every pain staking moment over the past three years to get to this point was far beyond worth it for this precious gift.  He is an absolute joy and has brought such happiness to our family in his short life so far.

I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, as he continues to amaze me with his love for us as I recover from the c-section and to stare into Spencers dark eyes for as long as I need. 

A new journey has begun. I can honestly say I have never been this happy in my whole life.

delivery is scheduled

Its been difficult to write posts lately because I can almost literally not sit up right long enough to type because my hips are so sore and my tummy is SO big. But I wanted to update with the c-section delivery date of this Friday morning, October 17th. My condition is stable but my doctor agrees with me that 37 weeks is a good compromise with baby being healthy and ready enough and avoiding things progressing further with my condition.

I am so ready for this to happen yet terrified at the same time. All I want is to be conscious for the delivery, avoiding another general anesthetic so I can be present for the birth of my baby and hear his first cries. 

I’ll update again after the baby is here!

hospital day

so today i had my NST, bloodwork, BP check and urine protein testing at the hospital. my mom took me since i’m really in no condition to drive anymore. and she’s two weeks into her last chemo treatment so its the weak leading the weak.  i’m so grateful for her right now.  her energy level is getting better each day but she tires easily and she won’t take no for an answer anymore when it comes to helping us out.  and it makes her happy to help i think so i am letting her but making sure she doesn’t over do it at the same time.

my BP was a scary 160/102 – my meds have been increased.  my urine was negative for protein.  my bloodwork was same as last time so kidley and liver function is still good. still anemic too though.  baby was very reactive on NST. so all in all – my BP is rising but everything else looks stable.

it blows me away how each day on bedrest i get weaker and weaker. just showering now is a feat! i have been having nightly baths to ease the pelvic and back pain but that doesn’t do much for my hair so this morning i had a proper shower and it was a lot. especially with the near constant BH contractions i’ve been getting! a few times I had to grab the side rails and just breathe through them. all these practice contractions and probably won’t even get to use the benefit of them!

another dr appt on friday. i’ll be 36 weeks on Saturday!

35w2d

there is really so much on my mind these days, and with being on bedrest of course i have all the time in the world to think. first, i’ll update on friday’s dr appt. BP is stable since i started taking the methyl.dopa. i’m still on a low dose and checking it regularly at home i am not concerned about it – its running 130/75 while on bedrest. my urine labs are coming back under the diagnostic level for preeclampsia so at this point its just PIH. I am relieved about that. But of course it can change at any moment so i’m on hyper alert for symptoms – headache, blurred visions, URQ pain, face swelling, baby kicks regularly. this is making me a bit crazy, when the baby sleeps i am sure he’s gone so i poke and prod until the poor guy wakes up and then i feel stupid and neurotic, and i go through this several times a day.  hospital monitoring again on tuesday.  i’m looking forward to it. each visit is another milestone reached.

my poor husband. he’s holding up the fort but i can tell he’s stressed and tired. he’s doing all the grocery shopping, meal making, house cleaning, laundry, taking Sweetlove back and forth to preschool and his grandparents’, taking care of me, and working a full time job. he doesn’t stop from the minute he wakes up until usually ten o’clock at night. i feel so badly, so much on his shoulders while i lay up here whining about my aches and pains. i’m so moody – crying one minute, laughing the next.  mostly feeling completely out of control of my emotions. and disconnected from Sweetlove. we are keeping him busy as we can during this but i can tell he doesn’t quite understand why mama can’t play. 

i’m happy it looks like we’ll make it to 36 weeks — 37 would be even better – but any further than that will make me feel like i’m playing with fire. especially if my BP continues to rise. the last thing i want is to wait until severe PE hits and end up on mag and more post partum issues. i was so sick last time when i was induced that it very much affected my recovery and first months as a mother and replaying that is such a fear of mine. i guess time will tell!

quick update

I went to hospital this morning for some monitoring and bloodwork.  Baby looked great on NST, he’s a feisty guy and really hates the monitors but we nail him down long enough to get some good tracings it just takes a while. Sweetlove was the same way when I did the NST’s with him, the nurses would say I’m in for it, and true enough, he’s such a little spitfire.  Anyways, that’s the good news.  The bad news is my BP was up to 190/95 and protein was +1, not sure what the lab analysis was, I didn’t even ask. They let me go home on strict orders to watch for symptoms and not move a muscle, ie strict bedrest. Easier said than done but with pressures like that, I need to be better at this. I go back on Friday and I have a feeling this weekend might spell the end and the beginning all at the same time, if you know what I mean! I’ll be 35 weeks on Saturday, I really want to make it until then. My best friend came over yesterday and organized the closet in the nursery for me since I am now unable to do it, and she helped me pack my hospital bags too.  My mom made us some home made lasagnas for dinners and I’m eating some now as we speak, it’s so nice to have family and friends around to help.  We are very lucky.

I’ll update again at the next turn of developments!