Why I Want Another One: My Luka

Cycle 2 – CD1

AF arrived this morning about an hour after I took the HPT test that was blaringly negative. At least I can get on with the next cycle and tweak some of my strategies.

1) Chart my BBT temps and CM
2) Use the Fertility Monitor daily to time ovulation
3) Vitamin B6 and B-Complex for lengthening my luteal phase and hopefully decrease the pre-AF spotting and cramping
4) time BD better
5) pray!

13DPO

Bought a HPT test today but I’m saving it for the morning. I’m pretty sure it’s over this month, just waiting to rule it out for good and then change the name of this blog to “My TTC Journal”!

Symptoms today: headache, slight back ache, slight sore BB’s, a little spotting (not much), hardly any cramps. Definitely feeling less crappy all around than yesterday. I really feel like AF is on her way. If she shows up tomorrow, I’m OK with that. That would make my Luteal Phase 14 days and that is acceptable for conception. I’ve ordered a fertility monitor to start this next cycle and I’m going to chart my BBT temps too. I just don’t want to be six months down the line and say I wish I’d done all this back then and not wasted all this time doing it naturally without the help of all this technology. Why not use it if its there right?

I just have a feeling this journey is going to be a long one, I don’t know why. Maybe TTC this next baby will be harder for me so that I focus more on feeling blessed with the pregnancy than scared for the pre-eclampsia. If God will give us another miracle like our first, then bring it on.

12DPO

Less hope today. But hangin on by a thread.

A tiny bit more pink spotting this morning and brown spotting on tip of cervix tonight. Cramps all morning, nausea in the afternoon, followed by sore lower back and now a headache tonight. Feels really like my usual pre-AF headache too. I am not going to test until Saturday, unless AF shows up before then.

11DPO

My hope is dwindling. Fast.

I woke up this morning with pink spotting on the TP. Nothing actually made in to the underwear today but wiping I could see the pink. And only once every couple of times so it was barely there. At first I was like, ok, it’s definitely over. The fat lady has sung.

But as the morning went on, I thought about all those TTC posts I’d read with the same story of symptoms that ended in BFP. So now my little tiny bit of hope is back and I’m out of HPT tests so I took a OPK and it was faint positive again. I am being tortured! I can’t let it go until the flow comes!

I won’t POAS again until Saturday.

Symptoms today:
backache, headache, tired, hungry, cramps, moody, sore bb’s. Oh, and SPOTTING
Sounds like PMS to me.

10DPO

Lots of cramping today. Sore and heavy bb’s, back ache, a little nausea, and a big fat BFN. Twice. Is this all in my head or what?!

I think I am going to wait to test again until Sunday if I can. Then I will be 15 DPO and should be BFP if it ever is going to be right?

It’s all just driving me CRAZY.

I much prefer finding out by accident at 8 weeks that I was pregnant, than go through this torturous 2WW. And then if it is BFP, the next 10 weeks of worrying about miscarriage!

Oh well, what is meant to be will be. Right?

9DPO

Easter Monday. Still had to go to work though.

I had a really tough time getting to sleep last night with the cramps I had, but eventually fell asleep and actually slept until my alarm went off which was unusual!

I had cramps on and off pretty much all day and they are still bothering me, it’s not intense like AF cramps but more achey and “pressure” feeling, its a little strange. But no spotting or bleeding so maybe its a good sign. And my lower back is aching too, but that could just be PMS.
I took another HPT tonight, it was BFN but I’m not surprised – it’s too early for a BFP I think, I’ll probably have to wait until the weekend for a ++++.

Anyways, still hopeful and totally consumed by this impending news

8DPO

Happy Easter!

I woke up this morning with a slight headache and more light cramping.

I decided to start my *hopeful* pregnancy journal today, feeling positive about it and crossing everything that we were successful our first TTC month! I didn’t do this for my pregnancy with Luka (see picture taken last night, what a cutie!) and really wish I would have, so this time I’m starting early. This blog could become a TTC journal but let’s be optimistic and call it a pregnancy journal for now!

I’m feeling good about the prospect, not a lot of anxiety at all yet. Who knows when I finally get the BFP if it will all come flooding back, the worries and such. I am going to see the reproductive pscyhiatrist a week from Wednesday and that will make everything much more clear. I wish I didn’t have to take the effexor but I just don’t think I could do this without it. Maybe with more CBT sessions, I will feel more confident to go off of it. But again, we’ll weigh the risks knowing more after I see the repro psychiatrist.

I took a HPT test yesterday and it was BFN but it shouldn’t be positive yet anyways. I’m just so looking forward to knowing either way! We tried so hard to catch that egg this month, I’m just hoping there was an egg there to catch! Well the OPK said there was, so again, time will tell.